Thanks to Michelle and the others for the advice. Getting better although I didn’t do what you told me to. Couldn’t get myself to do it. Trying to be harder on myself and at the same time look on the other sides of the stories. Shouldn’t be that bad right? I’m sure I’ll be alright after a while.

Need to control my temper cause I can be really mean when I’m in anger. Just look at my writing. I sounded as though the whole world is against me. Have to appreciate more of the things around me hor?

Our friends from KL came to visit us. Great to see them all. Hehe. Hope everyone’s doing good in studies.

You know when people say one of the things to do when you’re in the darkest mood is to cut your hair, it actually works. Continuation of the previous post - I went home alone and almost cried again in the bus. On the journey alone, things just kept running in my head. But the thought of seeing my family in less than 2 hours eased my mind. It was everything that matter.

Went to the salon next day to get my hair cut short (back to old school style hehe) but my mom thought I was too emo to decide… See? My mom knows me best. I had nothing to say. So the plan failed and I only trimmed my hair. So-called change of hairstyle. Dyed my hair dark brown and copper before going back to Kampar. I like. =) Nothing like the horrible bright ‘tea’ colour I had 2 years ago right after NS. 99% lala. Lols.

The hair colour doesn’t show. This is why I need a new phone. The quality… tsk tsk tsk. Thanks Ewa for noticing my eyebags although I have them since born.

Slacking in studies. This semester’s going to be like my first semester in foundation. Screwing everything up. I know I’m really stubborn eh someone please knock hard on my head and wake me up. Maybe if I can have a digicam and take pictures like before, my life would be more inspiring.

And then someone unintentionally said that I don’t do anything at all other than going online. Someone who used her friend’s slides for her individual presentation, someone who washes her undergarments every 10 days, someone who copied in every single test and someone whose assignment was redone by me. Oh. Okay. That says a fucking whole lot right?

Fuh. Before I go bitching about every single person around me, bye.

Whatever I can do to distract myself from being so depressed. My feelings are mounting and there’s no one I can turn to. No, I don’t want to spill it on my mom because I know she’ll be worrying about me every single second. Sorry mom and dad. I haven’t been a good girl. I keep disappointing and troubling everyone.

I just finished crying in my bathroom. I hope others won’t know. The radio was tuned really loud. My first teardrop since 18 May 2008. Well, the time when Peter told ghost stories at 2am in the living room doesn’t count. I was so shocked tears just came streaming down. Lols. I’ve been holding on for really long. Everyday there are just things that would challenge me emotionally.

Shits still happen. I still hate the way my life is now. Why am I so envious of other people? Can’t I be more appreciative? But what have I achieved so far? What can I?

Time to sneak into to the world of my own. Goodbye. <3

P/S: I’ll miss you girls. All the best and never ever forget us.

Sorry for abandoning this blog over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. For the first time since 2003, I’ve lost interest in blogging. The unforgivable fact is that I don’t even bother to try to come up with something nowadays. -.-

It’s a sad case since I’ve always wanted to keep my blog alive ever since I started it. I used to be able to post 2-3 entries per day back in 2003 and 2004. Life got busier in 2005 but I still posted anyway. My sister bought a digicam and I never failed to sneak it out of her room and use like it’s mine. Hohohoho. And that made me depend on pictures to write. Now, my passion for photography is gradually dying because of the “high quality” pictures the digicam can produce. Sigh.

Some of you had been asking me about my birthday. Thanks for your concern. To tell the truth, it was the worst. My Maths paper was on the same day (unluckily) and I didn’t sleep on the night before. Went to bed at 5am and was so nervous that I only fell asleep at 5.40am and ta daa I woke up at 5.45am. >.< Got to school with a blank mind. Whatever my friends asked I couldn’t answer any of them. But the paper was okay and I completed it right on time as usual. Went to celebrate the end of foundation with a very, very heavy head.

I was about to doze off in the karaoke room when my beloved classmates brought in my birthday cake. The blown out candle was pushed into the cake so that I can bite it out and then they can push me onto the cake. Hahaha the same old trick but it was a disaster in my case. The candle went right into my left nose (yes!) and tears came out of my eyes instantly. Oh god the pain was terrible but I tried to act fine of course. There was blood when I cleaned up my face in the toilet. Ouchhh.

My bad luck did not end there. Even who was sitting beside me got high, stood up and started dancing with her mic. And you know what happened next? The freaking mic hit my head so hard my tears came out again. LMAO. It was extremely funny cause the sound was so loud through the mic and it was obvious that her look changed because she felt really guilty. I consoled her. Lols it’s okay dear it’s not your fault lar. But my head still hurts now.
While I was driving home I scratched the side of my right eye cause I was rubbing my dry eye and I forgot that I broke my long nail on the day before while practising Maths. I cried again. Hahahahahaha. Man things can go so wrong when you’re sleepy. It was my birthday too.

Went out with the secondary school gang on Saturday and it was real nice meeting them. Haven’t been enjoying so much for a long time already. Ewa got me U Hu Hu! (hahahahaha that’s what written on the cheese tarts box) from The Loaf as birthday cake. Hehe I like. They also got a table lamp for me to use in Kampar. According to Shan the light will change brightness and go off when I touch the lamp stand. Super nice right? But I have yet to test that cause I can’t find the right bulb. Lols. I want to see you girls as much as I can before I leave okay? :)